The Psychology Behind Desire and Satisfaction
It’s a common truth that the things we can’t have often seem more appealing than those we already possess. This concept is deeply rooted in how our brains function, particularly when it comes to the pursuit of desires. There’s an unspoken hierarchy of spending that many people follow without realizing it:
- If you don’t want something and you don’t have it, you probably don’t think about it at all.
- If you want something and you do have it, you might feel satisfied.
- If you want something but don’t have it, you may feel motivated to achieve it.
- However, if you want something and are unable to obtain it, it can lead to frustration and even obsession.
This dynamic is explored in detail in my book, “The Art of Spending Money.” The value of an item isn’t always tied to its price or status. For instance, a glass of water could be more valuable to a thirsty person than a private jet is to a billionaire who already has two others. This shows how personal needs and circumstances shape what we consider valuable.
During holidays, this behavior becomes even more evident. Our brains aren’t necessarily craving material possessions; they’re driven by the chemical dopamine, which is responsible for the feeling of desire. According to the book “The Molecule of More,” dopamine is the chemical of desire that constantly asks for more — more stuff, more stimulation, and more surprises. It doesn’t care about emotions, fear, or morality. From its perspective, it’s not about having something, but about the process of getting something new.
This principle is similar to how actor Will Smith describes fame: “Becoming famous is amazing. Being famous is a mixed bag. Losing fame is miserable. The change, not the amount, is what matters.”
The Never-Ending Pursuit of More
This pattern is especially noticeable when it comes to money. When we’re young, we dream of owning a car — any car. Once we get a $10,000 car, we start dreaming of a $20,000 one. Then, the goal shifts to a $50,000 car, followed by a $100,000 one. Even after acquiring a high-end vehicle, the next dream is to own several of them. This cycle seems endless, with each step leading to a new aspiration.
We see this in the way different levels of wealth interact. Millionaires look up to centimillionaires, who in turn admire billionaires, and so on. But even those at the top, like centibillionaires, still seek more — often aiming for immortality. This constant pursuit of more is driven by our brain’s need for novelty and anticipation.
Finding Contentment in What You Have
Desiring less doesn’t mean giving up on your goals. In fact, wanting less can have a significant impact on your well-being. It’s not only more within your control but also a path to lasting contentment rather than temporary happiness. Being content with what you have allows you to fully enjoy the home you’ve bought, the clothes you wear, and the vacations you take.
Imagine being a billionaire who wakes up every day anxious about what you don’t have and envious of others, versus being an ordinary person who feels content and appreciates what they have, regardless of their financial status. Which scenario sounds more fulfilling?
My grandmother-in-law was financially poor but psychologically rich. She had a smaller gap between what she wanted and what she had compared to some people who had much more money. When you witness someone mastering this balance, it changes how you view wealth entirely.
About the Author
Morgan Housel is the author of the new book, “The Art of Spending Money.” He is a two-time winner of the Best in Business Award from the Society of American Business Editors and Writers, and a recipient of the New York Times Sidney Award. He is a partner at The Collaborative Fund and hosts The Morgan Housel Podcast.
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